I give up!!!

I generally try to keep my posts semi-positive. If I have something to gripe about I hold back a little, because I don't want to sound like an angry, bitter person. Well this is a post where holding back isn't going to happen, so just a fair warning to all of you heard are reading it.

I give the F*#K up!!! I have always tried to be a positive person, but I can only take so much before I competely lose it and today that line has been crossed! Everyone knows the stuff going on with my mom because of my previous post. Well today I decided to take Dom in to have a mole checked. It seems to be getting bigger, and it's a little different colored in some areas. My mom had told me once before to get it looked at, but I really didn't think anything of it. I guess I should have, because the dr told me today he is concerned about the way it looks. My son could have melanoma skin cancer. WTF?!?!?! It runs in both sides of his family, and so I have been referred to a dermatologist to get it dealt with as quickly as possible. I called the dermatologist office as soon as I left the dr, but they can't get me in for another month. I come home and read about melanoma, and find out it is the most serious form of skin cancer there is and that it can be life threatening. I have been bawling my eyes out :( Who the hell wants to worry about their 6 year old possibly having skin cancer, and even if they get it out it can still reoccur and could be something that Dom will have to deal with for the rest of his life. I know we haven't found out for sure yet if that is even going on, but to have that even be a possibility scares the hell out of me. I've always been told that God doesn't give us anything he doesn't think we can handle. He must have a hell of a lot more faith in me than I do in myself, because I don't know that I can deal with my mom maybe having breast cancer and my son maybe having skin cancer all being piled on me in the same month! I am so frustrated and scared right now I want to puke! Like I said I give up! Everytime something goes right something else seems to go wrong. Yes I am drowning in self pity right now, but who cares! I can have my moments can't I??? I will continue to pray and hope that God will bless my family, and that once my mom and my son get all their stuff taken care of we will find out that neither of them have cancer but until then I will probably be sulking and cranky deep down inside. I haven't told Dominic anything, because I don't want to scare him if I don't have to but if I do how do you explain to your child that they have something that could potentially kill him if it isn't taken care of quick enough. Now I obviously won't say exactly that, but I will have to instill some sort of sense of urgency to him to make sure he always has sunblock on no matter what, and any other precautions he can take throughout his life. UGH!!!! I have so many different emotions running thru me right now. Like I said we don't know for sure that that is what's going on, but as a mother how do you not worry knowing that that is even something the dr is concerned about!