Feelings....

Feelings really suck sometimes! Especially when they are negative feelings. Yep this is one of those posts. Sorry guys. You can ignore it if you want, and move onto something more upbeat. Last night Anth had a game, and my kids like to take Bella for walks around the ballpark in her stroller. After one of the laps they had done they ran over to tell me they had seen my dad. Of course he had ignored them, because that's what grandparents do right? Oh that's right, grandparents don't ignore their grandchildren just my wonderful father does. I told them just to keep walking if they wanted. We have done nothing wrong, so we don't have to be the ones to avoid him. All the while, my heart was shattering into a million pieces over the situation as it has countless other times. What kind of person can seriously do that to innocent people?! What kind of person can abandon their own child after 30 years and their grandchildren for no reason at all? My kids were way close to my dad, and they CR about how much they miss him all the time. It breaks my heart! Not only that but we lost pretty much a whole family. Besides my sister Stephanie non of my immediate family on that side speaks to us. Not my other sister, not my aunts, uncles, cousins....besides my cousin Chanda none of them speak to us anymore. We have been excluded from everything. To top things off, I went to check on my kids and my dad's girlfriend was staring at them. Then she turned and saw me, and leaned in and started whispering to her friend. I have nothing personally against her. I actually know her, because she is Anth's cousins aunt., but don't play the whisper game when I walk by and don't stare at my kids! I spent half I'd my husband's game bawling last night, and wishing things were different. It'd. Be nice if it even got easier, but it has almost been a year and so far it's worse than even when it first happened. I sure hope I'm not a total wreck like this every week. The week Anth and my dad play each other should be lots of fun :(