Going through the motions

Things have been so crazy busy since my Grandma passed away that I don't think it has truly hit me yet. On Sunday I was a walking zombie (I don't remember the drive to and from Sandy to get our kids), but since then it has been nothing but getting together with family and trying to get things figured out. Yesterday was hard, because everyone but me was in Ogden cleaning my Grandma's house. I was really on the fence of whether or not it was something I even wanted to be involved in, but I did want to be there to have the comfort of being around family. I was tending and when the kids laid down for a nap I felt really lonely. I had a bit of a breakdown last night at bedtime too. Tomorrow is my Grandma's "celebration of life". She didn't want a funeral. She wanted us to do a get together, and celebrate her life and how she impacted each one of us rather than sit around and cry for hours. After that when everyone leaves and I don't have stuff to do every single night I am scared that it's going to get even harder :(