A little Christmas...

Despite everything Anth and I did what we could to put on a happy face, and make Christmas great for our kids. We started out with opening gifts from Santa at home. My living room looked liked we hadn't cleaned in a year, because there was paper and toys everywhere! After the kids played for a little bit, and we got ready and went to my parents for our traditional breakfast casserole and orange julius' and presents. The kids got spoiled from them as usual. Syd got a Super Mario game for her DS, and I think I have played it as much as she has if not more lol She didn't get a whole lot of toys this year, because she is starting to be more grown up. She cared more about the clothes and purse and all that kind of stuff than she did the toys. My mom let us use her car to go out to Sandy to visit with Anth's family, so we ate dinner and did gifts with them too. All in all the kids got everything they wanted and practically a whole new wardrobe! I hope you all had great Christmas' with your families too. Tomorrow it is back to the real world dealing with insurance, cleaning out our car and starting our search for a new one :(

P.S. Today is my nephew Gabe's 7th birthday, so happy birthday buddy! We hope it's a great one. We love you very much!

I can't believe he is alive...God must be watching over him

You know how they say that God will never give us more than we can handle...well he must have a hell of a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. Guess what God, I have had more than I can take so PLEASE quit putting more on my plate!!!

Anth was on his way home from Grantsville Wednesday night when he hit some ice, and slammed into a tree going 45 MPH!!! He hit so hard that the steering wheel bent in towards the dashboard. A cop had someone pulled over just down the road, and as soon as he saw it happen he left that person and hurried to help Anth. He was unresponsive at first, and as they were about to start cutting him out of the vehicle he came to and was able to tell him he was ok. He walked away with nothing more than some bruising and a mild concussion. He has very little memory of it, but they aren't surprised by that. Just last night he remembered that when he hit it felt like someone hit him with a sledge hammer. Getting that call to meet them at the hospital was the worst call a wife could EVER receive. I swear to God after seeing my car on Thursday I don't know how he lived through it. He got extremely lucky!!! I wanted to puke when I saw it, and I have been having nightmares about the wreck over and over again. I can't tell you how thankful I am that my husband lived through something like that. We went to the accident site yesterday, and the tree didn't even sustain any damage. It was our only vehicle, so we are kind of SOL for a little while. I have already called insurance to get things processed as quickly as we can, but it won't be fast enough. My mom has helped us out by giving us rides the last few days and letting us use her car, but that's not something that's going to work forever. I contacted the company where we got our Trailblazer, and they have some SUV's with 3rd row seats that we might look into getting. We are kind of at a stand still though until we know what is going to be paid on our current loan. I really think I have prayed more in the last month than I ever have, and probably in the last couple days more than anything. I kept just thanking God that my husband was alive as I drove my mom's car to the hospital that night (she kept my kids, so they didn't have to see Anth in the hospital). I refuse to let my kids see this picture of our car, because I think it would freak them out worse than it did me. God and some guardian angels must have been watching over Anth that night. There is no other explanation of how he came out of that wreck. God believes that there is a reason Anth is on this Earth, because if he didn't he would have left us on Wednesday night :(

Merry Christmas

I just want to tell you all I hope you have a great Christmas! I'm not much in the mood this year, but am definitely doing the best to not let my kids see that. We will be spending the day baking cookies for Santa and decorating our gingerbread house :)

Lack of sleep and a 20 year anniversary

I have not had a good nights sleep in almost a month, and it's really wearing on me. Most nights I lay in bed in the dark and a million thoughts run through my head. If I happen to be lucky enough to go straight to sleep, it's a restless sleep. The other night I didn't get to sleep until 12:30, and when Anth's alarm went off at 4:50 I felt like I had had about 2 minutes of sleep. It's really wearing me down, and it's making me not much in the Christmas spirit since I have no energy. I am still doing activities such as decorating a gingergread house and baking cookies with my kids, but I just feel like I am not into it this year. I have tried taking Advil PM, because I heard it doesn't give you that horrible can't wake up feeling the next morning like Tylenol PM does. It didn't even work at all though. I still lay awake forever trying to fall asleep. Does anyone know of any OTC suggestions I could try? I don't want to have to go to a dr for it, but if I don't find something soon I'm going to have to because last night I laid awake crying because I was so frustrated. A friend of mine suggested some night tea they have at GNC, and if it comes down to it I will try that but I hate tea so I would have to literally gag it down :(

On a completely different note, it has been 20 years ago today that my Grandma Busico passed away. She is another testament that you NEED to go to the dr. She didn't believe in vaccinations, or going to the dr for anything routine. She would only go if she was extremely sick. She started with cervical cancer which we all know can be caught if we do our yearly exams, but since she didn't, before they could catch it it had spread through her entire body. So again, PLEASE do your routine check-ups for everything you should. I remember my Grandma Busico passing away being one of the 3 times I have ever seen my Dad cry. The second was when I told him I was pregnant with Syd, and the 3rd was when my Grandma passed away just recently. It reminded him a lot of his mom. I don't remember my Grandma Busico a whole lot, unfortunately. I lived in Ogden my whole life until I was 14, so I only saw her a couple times a year when I would come spend time with my Dad. I do remember that she was a neat freak big time. I'm sure that's where me and my dad get it from. She was a loud person. She was German, so even when she spoke it seemed as though she were yelling. She lived for her kids and her grandkids. In her eyes, us grandkids could do no wrong. Although I didn't know her, I still miss her. I hope her and my Grandma Lue are hanging out together keeping an eye on all of us, and hanging out until we can all be together again someday.

Most amazing picture EVER!!!

My Uncle Jerel took a photo of my Grandma from my wedding, and photoshopped it to look like the most amazing picture I have ever seen. He had one framed and displayed it at her services for us, and just sent us the link to be able to share it with everyone (and print one out for ourselves!). I can't wait to print mine, and hang it in my house for everyone to see :)

Santa video

My friend Erin made a post about this site...www.portablenorth.tv/home/. You can upload info so Santa will send a personal message to your kids. I checked it out, and think I'm going to do it for my kids. It looks pretty neat, so I wanted to share it with you guys to do for your kids if you'd like to.

Happy 101

Hayley at Gone with the Twins kindly gave me this award, so I am going to keep it going. Everyone could use a little award once in a while to make our day right!

Here are the rules... list 10 things that make you happy, and try to make one of those things something that happened for/to you today, and then tag your 5 bloggers that make you smile to win said award and keep the awards going!

1.The thing that made me happy for today was waking up next to my hubby! Anth leaves for work at 5:30 most mornings, so on the mornings he doesn't have to work I love rolling over when the alarm goes off and seeing him laying next to me!

2. I love seeing how much my kids have grown up! The last few days I have noticed that Syd seems to be growing into her body, and becoming a really beautiful pre-teen. She cares more about how she looks, and what she wears lately and although that scares me a little I can't believe how much she has grown just this year. Dominic is learning more and more everyday. I was watching him read this morning, and I couldn't believe some of the words that were a piece of cake for him to read. I'm not quite ready for him to be so big yet. Then there is my little Tasia. My little spitfire attitude child. I love her death! She is going to give us a run for our money, but she amazes me everyday with the things she says and does.

3. I am unbelievable thankful for my entire family. They have all been SO supportive with my Grandma passing away, and I don't know how I could have made it through without them. We all sat around and talked about memories of my Grandma. There were constant text messages from each other asking how we were doing. My Aunt Dolores made a big meal for all of us, and sent my mom some pretty flowers. Anth's mom kept the kids while we were in the hospital that last day with my Grandma sitting by her bedside while she passed, and she also kept them overnight so I could have a night to relax. That helped so much! I couldn't ask for a better family than the one I have. On the same note, I am also thankful for the friends who have been there and supported me through such a rough time!

4. I love getting my hair and nails done. Thank goodness for my sister doing my hair for free, or I couldn't do it as often as I like. I feel like those are the things I can do for myself to make myself feel girly and pretty. Also I feel like taking care of myself is a good way to keep my hubby happy. A lot of times I think we let ourselves go, but I think in order to have a happy family and happy marriage you have to take care of yourself sometimes too. You have to feel good about yourself, and not down about how you look. That may sound snobby, but think about it...if you don't like they way you look and are feeling bad about yourself you aren't in a very cheerful mood and your bad mood will rub off on your family or people around you. So taking care of ourselves is definitely a must!

5. Italian food definitely has to be on my list! I love when we have our Busico family Christmas party, and my Grandpa Tony makes his famous Italian meatballs. NOBODY can make meatballs like he can. I love all the other dishes too! The lasagna, the spaghetti...there are so many to name. My mouth is watering just thinking about it all lol

6. I love quiet rainy days. I love the calm that seems to fall over things when it rains. I love when it is warm enough during the rain to open my windows, and let the smell of rain into my house. I love that rainy days are the perfect day to just lay on the couch and watch a movie or read a book.

7. I love waking up to a clean house. It seems to start my day off so much more relaxed, because I don't feel like I have a million things I need to do. Then I can spend more time with my kids.

8. I love listening to Tasia and my nephew Havyn play with each other. They say some of the funniest things, and they are really lovey and nice to each other when they think nobody is watching or listening lol Today when Havyn got here Tasia walked up to him and told him she had missed him. I love their sweet innocence!

9. I love hugs and kisses from my kids and my husband. I hope that as my kids get older they won't feel like giving me hugs and kisses is dumb anymore, because it will make me sad. I love when they come up and just want to sit in my lap and cuddle with me while we watch TV or while I am reading to them. I think that kisses and hugs from Anth show more affection than anything else in the world can.

10. Last, but not least I love alone time with Anth and my kids. It doesn't happen very often for any of us, but I love when we can just hang out and spend some one-on-one time talking to each other. Dominic almost always wakes up about half an hour before he has to be up for school, and we have had some of our best talks during that time. Sydney and I usually get our time in after school for a little bit, and I love to hear about all the things she did at school that day. Or even the things that she considers "drama" with her friends. Tasia and I get our one-on-one time during naptime. A lot of times she doesn't fall asleep, so she will come cuddle on the couch with me and we will watch a movie together. Anth and I try to make it a point to get that one-on-one time after the kids go to bed each night even if just for a short time. Occaisionally, we get a sitter and will just go to dinner then come home to just spend some nice quiet time without the kids. Life is hectic, so it's all those times with each of them that I cherish the most :)

Now I hope that those of you I tag will keep the award going. I would love to hear all the things that make you guys happy! I tag....

1. Bethany at The Grundvig's
2. Melissa at Enjoy...for these are the days (I know Hayley tagged her too, but oh well lol)
3. Angie at R & A Curtis
4. Erin at Derek and Erin
5. Joanna at The Carter Family

Have fun guys!

P.S. I took out my extensions today to give my hair a break, and I feel completely bald!!!! I need a trim, and we need to dye my hair again to make it match the extensions because my hair has faded.

It happened...

One of the things I have dreaded most happened last night. You will probably think I am crazy, but oh well I don't care lol Dom came in last night after we had gone to bed, and said Tasia had gotten the scissors and was cutting a bunch of paper. I went in to take them from her, and I could see hair everywhere. I kept looking for a doll hoping she had cut it's hair, but I eventually had to look at her and unfortunately it wasn't the doll's hair she cut :( I love Tasia's hair! It's down to her waist, thick and pretty, and I didn't want to cut it at all (just trims)! I have always told her that only Aunt Stephy is allowed to cut her hair, and that she is only allowed to use scissors with mom or dad's help. Apparently no matter how hard I tried it was going to happen anyway. I know all little girls do it, but I was hoping to prevent it with her. Luckily it's just in the front, and I think my sister can just do some layers to fix it. I will literally cry if we have to take any length off the back. I got teary-eyed last night when I saw it at first. You can think I am crazy if you want, but like I said I really love how pretty her hair is!

I must be losing my mind :)

It's official I am losing my mind!!! Anthony has talked about doing the Ultimate Combat fighting since I met him (For those of you who don't know what that is, it's the Salt Lake version of UFC). I have always told him NO WAY!!! It's ok to watch other people do it, but there is no way I could watch my husband be up in that ring. Well lately he has been bugging about it more and more, so I finally gave in...well kind of. I told him that if I see him put in a good effort to train and workout for at least 2 months that we would talk about it after the 2 months is up. I don't want him to go in there clueless like some people do, and think that it's just like street fighting. It's way more technical than that, and I want to know that he has at least the basics to know what to do in the different circumstances he could be put into. He wants to lose more weight before he does it, so that he is in a lower weight class too. I don't want him starving to lose weight, so I told him he has to do that the healthy way too for me to consider giving into him doing it. That kind of makes me sound like a psycho wife, but really that's not what I am doing. I just want him to do things the right way, and not just jump into it because it looks like fun. I wanted him to stop after the first time if he loses, but he wants to do it at least one more time if he loses so he can try to improve on the things that caused his first loss for the second fight. I don't know where this is going to go, but I know I am going to be a nervous wreck if he does end up doing it!

Christmas program

Sydney and Dominic had their Christmas program at their church last night. It was really good! They got to be little angels who came down to see the birth of baby Jesus. They both did really well, and I was definitely proud of them. Dom would sing really loud until he noticed one of us looking right at him, and he'd get shy and put his head down. When the girl who played Mary came out holding a baby Tasia was convinced that it was the real baby Jesus and she wouldn't stop freaking out, because she wanted to see baby Jesus! We had to track the girl down after the program, so that we could show Tasia it was just a doll lol

Taking a que from Hayley...

Once in a while Hayley posts some random thoughts she is having, and right now I have about a million of them running through my head so I'm going to post mine too.

*Why is it that I can clean all day long, and by the next day or even within hours you can't even tell I cleaned???

*I feel like I have so much to do to get ready for Christmas still, and I don't even know where to start. We have been a little sidetracked, and although I had every intention of having my shopping done by now I don't. I have 1 gift for Dom and Tasia, and 2 for Syd. We haven't even started on stockings. I want to go shopping this weekend, but I don't want to put up with the crowds. Syd wants some shirts from Aeropostale though, so I may just have to suck it up and deal with it because they have their stuff 50-70% off right now. I'd be crazy to pass up a deal like that.

*Money is seriously the root of all evil! If life didn't revolve around who could afford to do what or get what with their money I think people wouldn't be nearly as stressed out or depressed, and the world would be a better place.

*I am sad to go say goodbye to my Aunt Jeri tonight. She is the last one of my mom's siblings here from out-of-state, but she leaves tomorrow so we are going to go over there and visit with her before she goes.

*I need a vacation!!! I need to just get away from here and focus on having a good time with my kids and my husband. When I am at home I stress so bad about everything, and I think getting away to a different environment would do us all some good.

*I love Christmastime!!! I don't like that it is so cold, but I love all of the traditions and the lights and spending time with family. Some of our traditions are: Christmas Eve pjs (just like a lot of other people), baking a cake for Jesus' birthday to remind my kids that Christmas is about more than just presents, breakfast casserole and orange julius on Christmas morning at my parents...there are a ton more, but I will stop there. I would love to hear about some of everyone elses traditions too!

*This holiday season is going to be a hard one, but I know if we are all there for each other we will make it through it. My mom is used to going to Ogden on Christmas Eve to pick up my Grandma, so she can come out here and spend Christmas with us. She even buys my Grandma a new pair of Christmas pjs like the rest of us. I want to try to think of something to keep her busy, so that she doesn't get too depressed on Christmas Eve thinking about all of that :( We bake the cake on Christmas Eve, but that doesn't take very long. Any ideas???

Stupid computer!!!

Aren't computers suppose to make our lives easier??? Well 2 days ago I got a message saying I had a trojan virus (thanks to limewire!). No big deal right. All I have to do is dump my computer which should be easy since I have a disc I just put in that does it for me....WRONG!!!! The dumb disc wouldn't work. I tried it for 2 days. Then my aunt told me she had a link for a program that you download and it does it for you. No such luck with that either. Finally this morning I decided to give my disc one last try, and if it didn't work I was asking Hayley (yep I said you Hayley) to ask your tech savvy hubby how I can do it another way. Low and behold the last time it worked, and now I don't have to bug Hayley and her hubby for help. Then when I get it all up and running the stupid arrow for my mouse is missing. It would move across things, but I couldn't tell where it was until something lit up because I couldn't see the arrow. I had to shut it down again, and it finally magically reappeared! I was ready to throw this stupid thing through the window after 2 days of fighting with it.

Trip down memory lane!

Obviously we have been going through my Grandma's stuff trying to get rid of things we can, and keeping things we want. Well my Grandma had a ton on videos, and since my girls have a VCR (I know old school right!) in their room my mom let us take them. There's a lot of Disney movies and stuff in there, but I also found some of my old dance tapes. I watched them, and all I could do was laugh. My very first performance from when I was like 5 or 6 was on one of them. There were dances to Can't Touch This, Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch and also The Right Stuff by New Kids on the Block LOL I laughed so hard watching them! Of course there was the crazy makeup and hair that contributed to all that laughing. I needed that laugh too. I'm sure some of my friends from Ogden will read this, and remember those days as well as I do!

We had services for my Grandma on Thursday, and it turned out really nice. She would have been proud! My Uncle Jerel took a picture of my Grandma and photoshopped it so that it looks like Jesus is standing next to her looking at her, and putting his hand on her shoulder. It is the neatest picture I have ever seen in my life. He is suppose to email us a copy of it, so as soon as he does I will post it. I hope you all had a great weekend! We spent it putting up Christmas decorations, and decorationg gingerbread men cookies :)

Going through the motions

Things have been so crazy busy since my Grandma passed away that I don't think it has truly hit me yet. On Sunday I was a walking zombie (I don't remember the drive to and from Sandy to get our kids), but since then it has been nothing but getting together with family and trying to get things figured out. Yesterday was hard, because everyone but me was in Ogden cleaning my Grandma's house. I was really on the fence of whether or not it was something I even wanted to be involved in, but I did want to be there to have the comfort of being around family. I was tending and when the kids laid down for a nap I felt really lonely. I had a bit of a breakdown last night at bedtime too. Tomorrow is my Grandma's "celebration of life". She didn't want a funeral. She wanted us to do a get together, and celebrate her life and how she impacted each one of us rather than sit around and cry for hours. After that when everyone leaves and I don't have stuff to do every single night I am scared that it's going to get even harder :(

"Holes in the Floor of Heaven"

I am the type of person who relates music to life events, and right now this is the song that seems to fit best with my life.....

Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Phil Vassar

One day shy of eight years old,
when grandma passed away.
I was a broken heart little boy,
Blowing out that birthday cake.
How I cried when the sky let go,
With a cold and lonesome rain.
My mom smiled, said: "Don't be sad child.
"Grandma's watching you today."

Cuz there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how you know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
And sometimes if you're lonely,
Just remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me.

Seasons come and seasons go,
Nothings stays the same,
I grew up, fell in love,
Met a girl who took my name.
Year by year, we made a life,
In this sleepy little town.
I thought we'd grow old together,
Lord, I sure do miss her now.

But there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how I know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
And sometimes when I'm lonely,
I remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And she's watching over you and me.

Well my little girl is 23,
I walk her down the aisle.
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now,
To see her lovely smiles.
The throw the rice, I catch her eye,
As the rain starts coming down.
She takes me hand; says: "Daddy don't be sad,
"Cuz I know Mama's watching now."

And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are puring down.
That's how you know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
And sometimes when I'm lonely,
I just remember she can see.
Yes, there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And she's watching over you and me.