Family First

Most of you know that Sydney and I butt heads CONSTANTLY!!! We seem to be going at it all the time anymore. I figured it was the hormones of growing up and the fact that she doesn't know what's going on with her body yet and blah, blah, blah. Well one day I had absolutely had it! I couldn't take 1 more second of fighting with her, so I called my mom in tears. I know shocking right...I'm not a perfect parent. I bet you'd never have guessed that LOL Anyway...my mom told me she had heard about this Dr Phil book called Family First, and if I would promise to read it she would buy it for me. I responded by saying "What are you waiting for? Get out that credit card!!!" Now I am not one of those people who thinks Dr Phil knows everything, but he hit it right on the money with this book. It's not just a book you sit and read. He has you do a journal to figure out what kind of parent you are (authoritarian, permissive or equalitarian). He also has you do one to figure out what type of a child you have (rebellious, cooperative or passive). There are other activities he has you do in your journal too, but right now I really want to talk about the parenting personalities. Knowing I am OCD I'm sure you won't be shocked to find out I am an authoritarian parent. Someone who likes things done their way and likes to have control. On the flip side for those of you who know my kids you won't be surprised to to know that my kids all show dominant qualitites of being rebellious! Well surprise, surprise those are the most difficult personalities to deal with. These 3 short paragraphs explain it all...

"If your parenting style is mostly Authoritarian, and one of your children is Rebellious, you have a power struggle on your hands. It is an absolute fact that this dyad can be the most frustrating relationship to manage in a family. Most of the conflict erupts over the power in the relationship; both the Authoritarian parent and the Rebellious child crave power and control. Both try to dominate all of the interactions by being too controlling or too unreasonable.
Rebellious children seek power in different ways including misbehavior, drama, catastrophizing (making mountains out of molehills) and attention-getting. These children feel important when they are in control and being noticed. They like to draw their parents into battle; doing so makes them feel powerful and influential over them. Rebellious children tend to be combative toward their parents and their authority (screaming, crying, spitting out food or otherwise asserting their will over yours). In addition, these children may be passive-aggressive, saying that everything is okay, when inside, they may be angry or frustrated about something. Too many rules generally frustrate these children, and they disregard them.
I can assure you that with an Authoritarian parent and a Rebellious child, the struggles take on confrontational qualities. There is the potential for a lose-lose scenario because Authoritarian parents and Rebellious kids don't problem-solve; they clash. You never get anything done because you are always butting heads. If you're arguing, you're not problem-solving. The more you push, the more your child will push back."

That describes me and Sydney too a T!!! I can't wait to learn what to do and how to communicate with her better, so we can start getting along more often :)